Friday, 17 December 2010

  • Seriously???

    So I found out through a mutual friend that my ex has yet to buy either of her two kids any Christmas presents. Not to say that waiting until the last minute is completely unheard of, but she's really not planning on getting them anything either. The oldest is getting $80 to go towards a new cell phone, and she'll get the younger one something but hasn't decided yet. I know her financial situation is not all that great, but I know that when the kids were down for the summer I had them make out a Christmas list so we could go ahead and start working on it. When we split, I had already bought a few things off their lists and told her to just take them with her when she moved out and give it to them for Christmas. Being that she knew where I had gotten them from, I'm pretty sure she took them back and either got money or in-store credit.

    Yes this is one of the main reasons we split. How can you have a child yet not even attempt to provide them with a decent Christmas? There are plenty of churches and charities around our area that would be willing to help her out. Her excuse was always that she paid enough child support that she  have to worry about gifts, clothes, school supplies, etc. SERIOUSLY??  Pretty sure I took the kids clothes shopping and got everything off their school supply lists before we had to take them back to their father in another state. Their dad is just as bad as she is, and they usually only get the supplies that the school provides for the "unfortunate" kids because well, food stamps won't buy pencils.   It totally breaks heart and I've only known these kids for about 8 months.

    Well long story short, I'll be eating very cheap the next couple weeks, and Santa has a stop to make with hopefully enough gifts for two little girls to at least feel like someone in the world cares....

Tuesday, 14 December 2010

  • I'm lost

    Where did I go? I can't seem to find myself anymore. I used to have goals and dreams and knew exactly what I wanted out of life. Now I'm just going in circles and at this point I don't even know which way is up.

    I moved home to my mothers about 9 months ago because we had another death in the family and with her mental issues she already had, I knew I needed to be home. She's now on disablity which helps talk the financial burden off of me, but I still have to keep the house up and running and make sure that she stays in a decent state. I work two jobs, around 70-80 hours a week, which doesnt leave much time for a social life let alone my girlfriend. We reconciled after about a 6 month split and she knew the responsibilities that I have before we even split the first time, but still she keeps demanding time from me that I just do not have to give. I also have a nephew that stays with me Friday through Sunday since my brother, his dad, passed away almost 3 years ago. Yet the girlfirend still thinks I should blow him off of take him with me on the hour and a half trip to her house for the weekend. I wouldnt so much mind taking turns on who's house we spent time at, but she lives with her older brother whos a real ass. She also works in fast food, so she has no set off days and can be called in at any time which just adds to the stress of when we will spend time together.

    I think I'm focusing on her and our problems because in my mind with my priorities, she is (even though I hate to say it) expendable. I can't leave my mother and can't turn my back on my nephew, so if someones got to go it will be her. We also have major differences in core subjects like how many and when to have children. My biological clock has been sreaming for a while now and theres been nothing I could do about it. I know I would have to cut out my part time job if I had a child, but I'm more than willing to do that. I just know I'm getting older and I'm ready to settle down and have my own family, even though I know I still have others I have to take care of as well. I've even went as far as researching adoption agencies and seeing how to become eligable to adopt, without the girlfriend knowing anything at all about it. She mentioned using one of her friends as a sperm donor, but I absolutely dispise him so that is totally out of the question for me.

    I've just been a total mess and trying to figure out if I need to end the relationship completely and move on, or if I should try to come to a compromise. I'm just so tired of compromising. Ugh, if only there was a quick fix.

Friday, 16 April 2010

  • Bad bad girlfriend

    Well I'm in trouble again. I'm a horrible person that has no time for my girlfriend, works too much, and has too much responsibility. GAH!

    My girlfriend and I have been together for about 7 months now and we past the honeymoon phase about 2 months ago. Today she found out that her car needs a new transmission as well as engine work, so she is stuck at home for the weekend. I say the weekend because she leaves Tuesday to babysit her little sisters for 2 weeks in another state (stepdad is going to pick her up now). Well, this was all fine and good when her original plan was to leave today, until she had no car. Although I love this girl and enjoying spending time with her, we havent had a weekend apart in months. I had already made plans to attend an opening day football game (she hates football), then go to my friends bachelorette party (she hates my friends), and on Sunday finish up some projects that I have around the house. (She thinks I should spend my only off with her) Now she's angry because she will be in state all weekend and expected me to make the hour and a half drive to pick her and bring her to my house after I got off from working 12 hours today. Not only that, but then I have to cancel all plans I have previously made and schedule in time after I work monday to drive the hour and a half to take her home. (It's and hour and a half each way) I understand she wants to see me, i want to see her too, but I don't think I'm wrong for needing a little time to myself and not wanting to cancel my plans becuase hers changed.  UGH.....................

Monday, 01 March 2010

  • tick tock

    I want time to think. I want time to write. I want time to see her. I want time to buy groceries. I want time to pay bills. I want time to spend with my nephew. I want time to play with my dog. I want time to make my bed. I want time to see friends. I want time to eat. I want time to take a hot shower. I want time to clean out my car. I want time to pack. I want time to look for a new place. I want time to see my mom. I want time to just relax. But now I need time to sleep.

Friday, 11 September 2009

  • I been played worse than a hand of UNO

    Well, I have previously posted of my concerns with my girlfriend, but last night my nightmares came true. After a year and three months of faithful love on my part, I found out through an acquaintance that MY girlfriend someone else's girlfriend too. That's right, her "best friend" that was her supposedly her ex, never was her ex. They have stayed together the entire time and are purchasing a house together. Not only that, but he is planning on proposing to her once they move into the house. I don't know her plan on how to explain moving to his new house with him, but if you knew this girl then you would understand that it is very possible.

    I have believed every single one of her lies and been through hell and back trying to make our relationship work, but now I realize how stupid I was. Love blinds you, no doubt. This girl went so far as to move in with me for 3 months and then use the excuse of her family needing so she could move back in with her boyfriend. I took the bait-- hook, line, and sinker and honestly believed her with my whole heart. We made future plans of a family, home, and everything in between; while she was doing the same with someone else as well.

    This all came out last night when I had a friend drive me the two hours to the house she shares with her future husband (I'm on crutches and can't drive). I went to talk to her about what I had found out and I swear I prayed the whole way that it wasn't true. I truly hoped that when I got there she would hold me and tell me it was all a lie, and I hoped that even HE would say it was a misunderstanding (since he supposedly knew about us!). That was not the case at all, she made him stay away from the house while I was there, made me stand in the rain to talk to her (I'm on crutches!), and still had the audacity to get pissed and say I had no right to check up on her! EXCUSE ME?!?  No right? I plead my undying love to this woman everyday and I can't ask why she has a double life? She ended up threatening to beat up my friend and saying there wasn't anything I could do about it because of my injuries, and then told me to leave her property and never contact her again. Seriously?!

    I have never been a gullible or naive type of person, but some how she got to me. I fought to keep her, pushed friends away for her, defended her to my friends and family when I knew she had done wrong, and so many more things that I never thought I would do for someone so undeserving. I know I have a lot of things to think about, many wounds to heal,and I have to figure out how to get back to the person I used to be. This situation will only make me stronger and now I know what I can and can't deal with when it comes to my relationships. I know my limitations and where to draw the line. Like they say-- Hind sight is 20/20!